I'm going on another solo journey. Please join me as I travel across the United States to see the Grand Canyon.
Along the way, there will be times of visiting with friends, meeting with new friends, reuniting with family after many many years and a chance to rediscover our nation and myself.
I'm really excited to leave on August 20th.
Please join me on THIS journey with the creation of a mixed CD - choose whatever music you'd like me to listen to and I will send you a postcard from the state in which you enlightened my journey :)
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
New Blog
I'm starting a new blog.
I'm not sure what it's going to look like.
This is on top of my CHAOS blog (CHAOStastic.blogspot.com)... and my 101 in 1001 days list blog (livejournal.com/cotton_swabs)
This blog is going to stick around but be rendered "finished until further notice."
God has called me to stay put in Michigan for a while (more specifically: the Grand Rapids area) for school, work and relationship improvement.
While I continue to grow in these places, i hope to post each week some thoughts invoked by my new Bible study, as well as thoughts as I work toward peace in my life and in the world around me.
misstrazy.blogspot.com
I'm not sure what it's going to look like.
This is on top of my CHAOS blog (CHAOStastic.blogspot.com)... and my 101 in 1001 days list blog (livejournal.com/cotton_swabs)
This blog is going to stick around but be rendered "finished until further notice."
God has called me to stay put in Michigan for a while (more specifically: the Grand Rapids area) for school, work and relationship improvement.
While I continue to grow in these places, i hope to post each week some thoughts invoked by my new Bible study, as well as thoughts as I work toward peace in my life and in the world around me.
misstrazy.blogspot.com
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Closing Thoughts ... (always subject to grow and mature)
This is it. This is my last post in this blog (for at least a little while). If God sends me somewhere new, I will begin posting again. God is always sending me somewhere new, but I feel as though my adventures in Grand Rapids, MI can best be expressed in person since most of my readers have the opportunity to speak and connect with me here. One year ago today (September 1, 2009 at 2:55p local time), I landed in Budapest. Today (September 1, 2010 at 8:55a EST-ish), I begin working again at Home Acres Reformed Church... and attempt to resume the life I left although I'm not the same person.
My dearest friends and family, I THANK YOU. It seems so cliché to say that I couldn't have done it without you, but it's so completely true for me. A million "thank yous" could not express my sincerest gratitude. My true prayer is that God is blessing you in innumerable ways, for you have all blessed me. Thank you, again.
As a way of closing it out, i bring you a "De-briefing Survey." Enjoy!
What were the high points and the low points?
high points: Thanksgiving, New Years Eve, dancing at the Tanoda, Christmas at the Tanoda, Mohács, Auschwitz, couch-surfing, the city and its beauty, the Hungarian countryside, Bible study with some gypsy women in Uzd, hanging out with the other volunteers,
low points: the Tanoda closing, saying "goodbye"
Who most encouraged you on the trip?
from home: my mom gets major props, Home Acres Church, Shawn, Ang, Mike, Chris, Jay...
in Hungary: Dick and Carolyn, Pastor Aaron, Emese, Judit, Njeri, Teri, the other volunteers
Did you accomplish your goals?
I didn't go with any goals except to experience everything I could experience... and learn enough Hungarian to survive. In these ways, I think I did accomplish my goals.
What did God do?
God provided. God healed. God reigned. God guided. God held. God loved and lifted up. God showed Himself in unique and awesome ways.
What stories can you share?
I have 318 stories (that's how many days I lived in Hungary).
What pictures did you like best?
my absolute favorites are a mixture of the ones taken of Budapest from the Citadella... or the pictures of my friends/fellow volunteers and I on one of our many adventures.
Describe some of the relationships you made.
my roommates and I became (i think) like sisters - living together with four different cultures in an even different culture was a struggle at times, but we came to love each other in ways that only sisters can. I can't wait to see them again.
Emilie, Jeff, Kristy and Matt (and Sepp and Emily) became my closest friends.
Pastor Aaron became a mentor and friend.
Dick and Carolyn became like my "Hungarian" parents.
there were so many more relationships, all formed quickly and all very hard to leave.
What did you find most challenging?
My most challenging moments, as many of you could tell, came in the instability I experienced. Instability in social life, instability in work placements, instability in schedules, instability in maintaining contact with loved ones back home... stability has always been something I took for granted and finding peace during instability was definitely something that challenged me, but also forced me to grow a bit.
Were you well prepared? What else could you have done?
I tried to go in without a "map" of sorts. I didn't spend much time learning Hungarian before I left. I didn't spend much time researching my placement. I am thankful for both of those. I feel like all the Hungarian I learned before I went got stomped on during our language course... and my placement changed after only 2 months. I'm quite pleased with my lack of preparation for arrival, actually.
How are you doing physically?
Well, I miss walking everywhere. I miss 3 balanced meals a day and fresh fruits and veggies that were cheap. I miss loose jeans (i've gained back all the weight I lost during the year... grrr!) I smile a lot. I like that.
How are you doing emotionally?
It's been rough, not gonna lie. I'm not sure I understand how I feel so it's therefore hard to have others understand. There are days I'd rather just stay away from everyone to avoid questions and stress. There are other days when I need to be surrounded by people, because I am struggling at finding a place here again. Then I find myself in the middle of people, lost (in my "happy" place)... trying to figure out what is going on and where I go from here. My patience is short and I feel apathetic about much of my life at the moment.
How are you doing spiritually?
I feel like God and grew closer this last year. Trying to abide in Him and allowing Him to abide in me and truly shine. There are times when it was a test, but truly believe that my faith has grown to new levels... and I'm so excited to show this to others.
Did anything disappoint you about yourself?
Oh yeah. I'm pretty good at disappointing myself. I probably could have tried better to experience Hungarian culture/language/people. I probably could have tried harder with my placements to make them all work. I probably could have done more to make the youth group work. I probably could have enveloped myself in the "here and now" aspect of service. I probably could have done so much more...
What surprised you about the culture?
The strong dislike toward gypsies. I couldn't imagine it before I got there. I could NOT imagine that I would get hateful looks for just saying I work with them. I could not imagine people in 2010 with such prejudice.
What ministry skills did you sharpen?
I can make itty bitties smile and laugh... I can have a theological conversation with simplified English and simplified Hungarian... I can love people without words.
Did you find fulfillment in your ministry time?
I definitely felt like there were good days and bad days in this aspect. At some points, it's a source of disappointment for me and I wish I could go back and find fulfillment at those moments. At some points, I truly wish those had been the last moments of my life because each second of those moments felt God-ordained and God-designed and I felt as though I was truly a part of expanding the Kingdom.
What did you learn about ministry?
I learned that ministry, especially missions, is anything BUT a job description.
Did you experience any miracles in your ministry time?
Somehow I communicated, even though I didn't speak the language very well. To me, that was a miracle.
What comes next for you in life?
Well, I'm back in Michigan. I'm looking into options for going back to school. I would love for God to call me elsewhere, but if this was the only opportunity to go overseas, then I'm okay with that as well.
What do you hope to accomplish in the next year?
I want to get enrolled in school (so I'll have to make some decisions). I'd love to travel somewhere (probably Japan to visit Katharine and see her work there). I want to be able to actually play my guitar.
What is your plan to get there?
Gotta make the decision about school - gotta save money for the trip - gotta actually practice the guitar :)
What changes do you want to make to your life?
Health and simplicity are pretty big ones. They're also the hard ones to make. And... I don't want to live a mundane lifestyle.
What concerns do you have as you go back home?
Well, I am already back home and I've been home for 6 weeks. I'm still concerned about my general apathy toward things, but it's getting better.
Who can help you keep the flame alive back home?
My church family has rocked for that. I wish some of my friends would show more interest, but oh well. Most are pretty cool, but others seem like they'd rather not fan the flame.
What ministry will you continue to do in the community?
well, CHAOS... but I also feel like there are a TON of bridges to be built around our community. I'm rolling up my sleeves, let's get busy building!
Who will you reach out and minister to?
I feel like there's a huge cultural gap between our church and our community. I also feel like we could bridge the gaps between all the churches that use our church building. And... there's still so much work to be done with outreach. Sooo much need!
What can you do to go to the next level spiritually?
I'm sitting here thinking that this should be easy. This is just about me and Jesus going one step further. Question is: what is that next step? I don't know. Going to the next level spiritually will entail trusting Him and trusting IN Him completely... no doubts, no turning back, no regrets... one day at a time, one foot in front of the other... take each person and circumstance into loving consideration that God has ordained each moment, and from one moment to the next all we can do is trust and obey.
My dearest friends and family, I THANK YOU. It seems so cliché to say that I couldn't have done it without you, but it's so completely true for me. A million "thank yous" could not express my sincerest gratitude. My true prayer is that God is blessing you in innumerable ways, for you have all blessed me. Thank you, again.
As a way of closing it out, i bring you a "De-briefing Survey." Enjoy!
What were the high points and the low points?
high points: Thanksgiving, New Years Eve, dancing at the Tanoda, Christmas at the Tanoda, Mohács, Auschwitz, couch-surfing, the city and its beauty, the Hungarian countryside, Bible study with some gypsy women in Uzd, hanging out with the other volunteers,
low points: the Tanoda closing, saying "goodbye"
Who most encouraged you on the trip?
from home: my mom gets major props, Home Acres Church, Shawn, Ang, Mike, Chris, Jay...
in Hungary: Dick and Carolyn, Pastor Aaron, Emese, Judit, Njeri, Teri, the other volunteers
Did you accomplish your goals?
I didn't go with any goals except to experience everything I could experience... and learn enough Hungarian to survive. In these ways, I think I did accomplish my goals.
What did God do?
God provided. God healed. God reigned. God guided. God held. God loved and lifted up. God showed Himself in unique and awesome ways.
What stories can you share?
I have 318 stories (that's how many days I lived in Hungary).
What pictures did you like best?
my absolute favorites are a mixture of the ones taken of Budapest from the Citadella... or the pictures of my friends/fellow volunteers and I on one of our many adventures.
Describe some of the relationships you made.
my roommates and I became (i think) like sisters - living together with four different cultures in an even different culture was a struggle at times, but we came to love each other in ways that only sisters can. I can't wait to see them again.
Emilie, Jeff, Kristy and Matt (and Sepp and Emily) became my closest friends.
Pastor Aaron became a mentor and friend.
Dick and Carolyn became like my "Hungarian" parents.
there were so many more relationships, all formed quickly and all very hard to leave.
What did you find most challenging?
My most challenging moments, as many of you could tell, came in the instability I experienced. Instability in social life, instability in work placements, instability in schedules, instability in maintaining contact with loved ones back home... stability has always been something I took for granted and finding peace during instability was definitely something that challenged me, but also forced me to grow a bit.
Were you well prepared? What else could you have done?
I tried to go in without a "map" of sorts. I didn't spend much time learning Hungarian before I left. I didn't spend much time researching my placement. I am thankful for both of those. I feel like all the Hungarian I learned before I went got stomped on during our language course... and my placement changed after only 2 months. I'm quite pleased with my lack of preparation for arrival, actually.
How are you doing physically?
Well, I miss walking everywhere. I miss 3 balanced meals a day and fresh fruits and veggies that were cheap. I miss loose jeans (i've gained back all the weight I lost during the year... grrr!) I smile a lot. I like that.
How are you doing emotionally?
It's been rough, not gonna lie. I'm not sure I understand how I feel so it's therefore hard to have others understand. There are days I'd rather just stay away from everyone to avoid questions and stress. There are other days when I need to be surrounded by people, because I am struggling at finding a place here again. Then I find myself in the middle of people, lost (in my "happy" place)... trying to figure out what is going on and where I go from here. My patience is short and I feel apathetic about much of my life at the moment.
How are you doing spiritually?
I feel like God and grew closer this last year. Trying to abide in Him and allowing Him to abide in me and truly shine. There are times when it was a test, but truly believe that my faith has grown to new levels... and I'm so excited to show this to others.
Did anything disappoint you about yourself?
Oh yeah. I'm pretty good at disappointing myself. I probably could have tried better to experience Hungarian culture/language/people. I probably could have tried harder with my placements to make them all work. I probably could have done more to make the youth group work. I probably could have enveloped myself in the "here and now" aspect of service. I probably could have done so much more...
What surprised you about the culture?
The strong dislike toward gypsies. I couldn't imagine it before I got there. I could NOT imagine that I would get hateful looks for just saying I work with them. I could not imagine people in 2010 with such prejudice.
What ministry skills did you sharpen?
I can make itty bitties smile and laugh... I can have a theological conversation with simplified English and simplified Hungarian... I can love people without words.
Did you find fulfillment in your ministry time?
I definitely felt like there were good days and bad days in this aspect. At some points, it's a source of disappointment for me and I wish I could go back and find fulfillment at those moments. At some points, I truly wish those had been the last moments of my life because each second of those moments felt God-ordained and God-designed and I felt as though I was truly a part of expanding the Kingdom.
What did you learn about ministry?
I learned that ministry, especially missions, is anything BUT a job description.
Did you experience any miracles in your ministry time?
Somehow I communicated, even though I didn't speak the language very well. To me, that was a miracle.
What comes next for you in life?
Well, I'm back in Michigan. I'm looking into options for going back to school. I would love for God to call me elsewhere, but if this was the only opportunity to go overseas, then I'm okay with that as well.
What do you hope to accomplish in the next year?
I want to get enrolled in school (so I'll have to make some decisions). I'd love to travel somewhere (probably Japan to visit Katharine and see her work there). I want to be able to actually play my guitar.
What is your plan to get there?
Gotta make the decision about school - gotta save money for the trip - gotta actually practice the guitar :)
What changes do you want to make to your life?
Health and simplicity are pretty big ones. They're also the hard ones to make. And... I don't want to live a mundane lifestyle.
What concerns do you have as you go back home?
Well, I am already back home and I've been home for 6 weeks. I'm still concerned about my general apathy toward things, but it's getting better.
Who can help you keep the flame alive back home?
My church family has rocked for that. I wish some of my friends would show more interest, but oh well. Most are pretty cool, but others seem like they'd rather not fan the flame.
What ministry will you continue to do in the community?
well, CHAOS... but I also feel like there are a TON of bridges to be built around our community. I'm rolling up my sleeves, let's get busy building!
Who will you reach out and minister to?
I feel like there's a huge cultural gap between our church and our community. I also feel like we could bridge the gaps between all the churches that use our church building. And... there's still so much work to be done with outreach. Sooo much need!
What can you do to go to the next level spiritually?
I'm sitting here thinking that this should be easy. This is just about me and Jesus going one step further. Question is: what is that next step? I don't know. Going to the next level spiritually will entail trusting Him and trusting IN Him completely... no doubts, no turning back, no regrets... one day at a time, one foot in front of the other... take each person and circumstance into loving consideration that God has ordained each moment, and from one moment to the next all we can do is trust and obey.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Picture-viewing / Speaking
I am in the process of writing my final entry here, but I wanted to get a quick update out.
My pictures are organized and ready for perusing and story-telling. Many of you have stated an interest in this, please know I wasn't avoiding you... just getting things organized before I sit down with you. Please give me a call (616-328-3749) or email (trazylyn @ gmail.com) if you're interested.
Also, I am available to share my story with any group willing to listen. My only request is that (unless you are a previously supporting group) a donation of any size be made to continue the work in Hungary.
My pictures are organized and ready for perusing and story-telling. Many of you have stated an interest in this, please know I wasn't avoiding you... just getting things organized before I sit down with you. Please give me a call (616-328-3749) or email (trazylyn @ gmail.com) if you're interested.
Also, I am available to share my story with any group willing to listen. My only request is that (unless you are a previously supporting group) a donation of any size be made to continue the work in Hungary.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Things I miss...
After being home for more than a month, I've started making mental lists of things I miss about life in Hungary. Enjoy.
* my roommates - i nearly cried at church in the morning as I realized that i don't know when I'll see them again, and they grew on me like little sisters...
* my city - walking out the door and seeing Parlament, along the river, the castle across the river, the islands, the public transport
* St. Columba's Church - the puppets, the social time (with CAFFEINATED coffee), the after-church meals that were always so yummy!, the leadership that genuinely asked how I was doing and accepted me into their family as though I'd been there forever
* speaking Hungarian. I miss this a lot more than I thought I would.
* soup at every lunch. vajkrém. slicing my own bread (that's not shaped like a square... and THICK pieces of soft, chewy goodness). ketchup chips. 3-in-1 instant coffee. espresso everywhere.
* public transport - in Budapest and throughout Europe in general. we tell people that we are an independent country, but yet I def. felt more independent while living in Europe. I understand that those are two different meanings of the word, but still... i can't help but put the two side-by-side.
*sigh*
someday I hope to go back, that's all I gotta say right now.
* my roommates - i nearly cried at church in the morning as I realized that i don't know when I'll see them again, and they grew on me like little sisters...
* my city - walking out the door and seeing Parlament, along the river, the castle across the river, the islands, the public transport
* St. Columba's Church - the puppets, the social time (with CAFFEINATED coffee), the after-church meals that were always so yummy!, the leadership that genuinely asked how I was doing and accepted me into their family as though I'd been there forever
* speaking Hungarian. I miss this a lot more than I thought I would.
* soup at every lunch. vajkrém. slicing my own bread (that's not shaped like a square... and THICK pieces of soft, chewy goodness). ketchup chips. 3-in-1 instant coffee. espresso everywhere.
* public transport - in Budapest and throughout Europe in general. we tell people that we are an independent country, but yet I def. felt more independent while living in Europe. I understand that those are two different meanings of the word, but still... i can't help but put the two side-by-side.
*sigh*
someday I hope to go back, that's all I gotta say right now.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
BREAKING (down while buying) BREAD
So, I've had some days to do some reflection on this and I thought it was worth sharing with you all.
On Wednesday, August 4th, I went grocery shopping for myself and by myself for the first time since back in the US. Before I left, it was honestly one of my favorite things to do. When I was in Hungary, it was a great way to end my walk home everyday. On last Wednesday, it horrified me.
Not only did I need to plan out food for the next three days (I am back to working my customer service/dispatch job on Thursday, Friday and Saturday for 13 hours each day - so all three meals can be eaten during that time :P), but I needed to decide how to carry and store it all.
I did fine buying some healthy-ish frozen foods, fruit, crackers, and sandwich toppings. However, as I walked toward the bakery, I had one goal: bread. I stood there looking at the choices... and after 20 minutes, I was stressed out and still holding a basket without bread in it. I couldn't make this decision.
In Hungary, buying bread was a simple process. I either wanted 1/2 Kilo (1.1 lbs), 1 Kilo (2.2 lbs) or bagged "American style" bread. Aside from that, there were only 2 other choices: half-brown or white... and sliced or not sliced.
For me it was always an easy decision - if I wanted square sandwiches, I bought the "American style" bread and there was only one type of it. It came in a yellow wrapper and didn't squish when I put it in my basket. If I wanted real bread, I always bought a 1/2 kilo of half-brown bread. It wasn't difficult at all because once the decisions were made, there was only one option. On Wednesday, once I decided that I wanted brown bread that was already sliced, I still had 389,493,249 options.
...
Bread and food is mentioned a lot in scripture. It seems that much of the time when true relationships were being pursued/formed/matured, food was involved. It's not surprising when you think about today's society - we love to meet up for breakfast or lunch or dinner... or coffee ;) Food just seems to invite conversation. I am very much looking forward to sharing times with people these next couple weeks. If you're at all interested in hearing about my year or asking questions on a personal level, let me know. We can break some bread and share stories together someday :)
On Wednesday, August 4th, I went grocery shopping for myself and by myself for the first time since back in the US. Before I left, it was honestly one of my favorite things to do. When I was in Hungary, it was a great way to end my walk home everyday. On last Wednesday, it horrified me.
Not only did I need to plan out food for the next three days (I am back to working my customer service/dispatch job on Thursday, Friday and Saturday for 13 hours each day - so all three meals can be eaten during that time :P), but I needed to decide how to carry and store it all.
I did fine buying some healthy-ish frozen foods, fruit, crackers, and sandwich toppings. However, as I walked toward the bakery, I had one goal: bread. I stood there looking at the choices... and after 20 minutes, I was stressed out and still holding a basket without bread in it. I couldn't make this decision.
In Hungary, buying bread was a simple process. I either wanted 1/2 Kilo (1.1 lbs), 1 Kilo (2.2 lbs) or bagged "American style" bread. Aside from that, there were only 2 other choices: half-brown or white... and sliced or not sliced.
For me it was always an easy decision - if I wanted square sandwiches, I bought the "American style" bread and there was only one type of it. It came in a yellow wrapper and didn't squish when I put it in my basket. If I wanted real bread, I always bought a 1/2 kilo of half-brown bread. It wasn't difficult at all because once the decisions were made, there was only one option. On Wednesday, once I decided that I wanted brown bread that was already sliced, I still had 389,493,249 options.
...
Bread and food is mentioned a lot in scripture. It seems that much of the time when true relationships were being pursued/formed/matured, food was involved. It's not surprising when you think about today's society - we love to meet up for breakfast or lunch or dinner... or coffee ;) Food just seems to invite conversation. I am very much looking forward to sharing times with people these next couple weeks. If you're at all interested in hearing about my year or asking questions on a personal level, let me know. We can break some bread and share stories together someday :)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Hungarian Food and an Update
Today I'm making a Hungarian dish for a 4-H international dinner. It's Cabbage Pasta and about the easiest thing ever to make for a huge crowd. If you don't have anything to do, stop by the Ionia High School tonight from 5-7p. It's a donation for entrance, and all donations go toward Heifer International. HELP THE 4-H KIDS BUY A COW!!!
In other news, I start working on Thursday. I was invited back to my old job at Multiband. It's not exactly what I want to do with my life, but it's good hours, I'm familiar with the place/people/job and it comes with insurance in a few months. I would LOVE to have my Saturdays free, so I'm still keeping my options open.
Also, Ang and I are looking at apartments. I am hoping to call one of the landlords tonight and tell him "we'll take it!" Just waiting until a reasonable hour (since I think 8:40 is waaay too early to call anyone).
...
Looking back on my year, I was thinking about ways that I grew... and someone asked what skills I could take back to my job. For Multiband, I bring back Hungarian because it's in high demand (just kidding!). For youth work, I bring back the knowledge of cross-culture ministry and the experience of working with teens in Hungary who were Hungarian and many other nationalities. Also, some bridging the cultural gap experience working with the American teens that came and the Hungarian/Iraqi/Kosovo(an?) teens that helped at the Day camp.
I also picked up some experience working with elementary kids (at the school and tanoda) and even PRE-PRESCHOOL! Woah! That's crazy coming from someone who's only changed one diaper in her life :P
And, I taught English. This could be extremely useful in the future, including helping me realize that I might like to take a few TESOL courses when I'm back in school.
And... many of you may have heard my dream: to have a place in an area that's doing cross-cultural ministry that welcomes groups on a regular basis (like a remodeled church or retreat center). The original dream was to do this along the USA/Mexico border, but this year has even expanded this :) Well, not only did I get a lot of experience hosting individuals, I even hosted a work team (not in my apartment, but in Budapest) from Ohio. One step closer, friends... one step closer.
In other news, I start working on Thursday. I was invited back to my old job at Multiband. It's not exactly what I want to do with my life, but it's good hours, I'm familiar with the place/people/job and it comes with insurance in a few months. I would LOVE to have my Saturdays free, so I'm still keeping my options open.
Also, Ang and I are looking at apartments. I am hoping to call one of the landlords tonight and tell him "we'll take it!" Just waiting until a reasonable hour (since I think 8:40 is waaay too early to call anyone).
...
Looking back on my year, I was thinking about ways that I grew... and someone asked what skills I could take back to my job. For Multiband, I bring back Hungarian because it's in high demand (just kidding!). For youth work, I bring back the knowledge of cross-culture ministry and the experience of working with teens in Hungary who were Hungarian and many other nationalities. Also, some bridging the cultural gap experience working with the American teens that came and the Hungarian/Iraqi/Kosovo(an?) teens that helped at the Day camp.
I also picked up some experience working with elementary kids (at the school and tanoda) and even PRE-PRESCHOOL! Woah! That's crazy coming from someone who's only changed one diaper in her life :P
And, I taught English. This could be extremely useful in the future, including helping me realize that I might like to take a few TESOL courses when I'm back in school.
And... many of you may have heard my dream: to have a place in an area that's doing cross-cultural ministry that welcomes groups on a regular basis (like a remodeled church or retreat center). The original dream was to do this along the USA/Mexico border, but this year has even expanded this :) Well, not only did I get a lot of experience hosting individuals, I even hosted a work team (not in my apartment, but in Budapest) from Ohio. One step closer, friends... one step closer.
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