OMG I'M HERE!!!
I'm in Flagstaff, Arizona at a nice European cafe and bakery. This place is crazy cute. If I lived here, I would be here every day. Or at least once a week. It's like my Boba - cool, good coffee and unique. I love it!
Yesterday's travels took me through the remainder of Oklahoma. Oklahoma, mind you, is flat. It's a good thing I conquered that in the early morning because I would have been very bored in the evening.
In Texas, I encountered a couple things: MORE road construction... and rattlesnakes. I pull into a rest area (really, I just needed to pee!) and there's a sign that says "Beware of snakes" right as you enter. I almost turned around, but i had to GO! I pull in and next to my car is another sign that says "Danger: Rattlesnakes." I'm good, thanks. This city girl doesn't do snakes even when she was a country girl. Thankfully none crossed my path, but it makes for a good short story, eh?
Then I entered uncharted territory and said "Hello" to New Mexico for the first time. It's a BEAUTIFUL state, but also can be a bit boring as you're driving through all those ranches. There's nothing but brown grass and 2-foot-tall shrubs for miles! I stopped for dinner and treated myself to some Cracker Barrel while trying to stay awake.
I entered Arizona at around 7p local time (10p Michigan-time) and managed to make it all the way to Flagstaff. I was worried. It was a long day and I was very very very tired. My plan was to stay with a couchsurfer (for more information: couchsurfing.org). I pulled up to their home to discover no lights on. I gave the husband a call (my main contact) and turns out he had texted that they had an emergency, but he'd found me another couch. This is what I love about couchsurfers - there's never "no room." I ended up going to stay with his friend, Donnelly, who was delightful. Among moving boxes, 4 cats, 2 dogs and 3 people, she made the couch cozy and I SLEPT WELL. (Also, for all you couchsurfing skeptics - I'm still alive :P) She pointed me to 2 things: the best coffee in Flagstaff and the best pie in Arizona. I must admit, the coffee IS good. I'll let you know how the pie is later.
And now, I'm headed off to the Grand Canyon! Have a great day!
*****
Yesterday, there were a couple things that struck me. One was being able to see for miles (at one point, I could see for 10+ miles - i drove it from one landmark to another and watched my odometer). The other, because I was able to see for miles, was the storms. Some of the storms were quite powerful, producing lightning and heavy rain. However, as someone driving a ways off, they seemed small.
I couldn't help but think of the storms we experience in Michigan sometimes. They have heavy wind, lots of rain, lots of lightning and nearly constant thunder. Sometimes they knock out power. For those few moments, all we know are those storms. We get scared. We take shelter. We worry. Sometimes they last for hours and we wonder if they'll ever end.
In the same way, storms strike our lives and we experience a lot of those same things. Worst of all, these storms can cause us to lose our joy, our hope, and our faith.
Driving through that desert and seeing the small size of those storms made me think of how God sees my storms. I make such a big deal out of the trials and tribulations and yet, God is watching over. Is He thinking, "really, Trazy, it's almost over. See? There's the sun!"
My thoughts today, as I experience a beautiful day at the Grand Canyon:
What small storms have I turned into hurricanes?
What causes me to lose faith during those hard times and how can I see the sun on the other side?
How can I use my storms to BUILD my faith instead of losing it?
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Step To the Ledge
GOOD MORNING! from an Economy Inn in Oklahoma City, OK (where it's not very windy on the plain, actually...)
I got into OKC around 10p last night. I'm just on the eastern edge of it - the first set of cheap motels I saw and I turned in. I had several to choose from, so I went with the lowest advertised price with WIFI. I love shady motels. There's really nothing more entertaining than laying in bed and wondering if you'll end up with lice or fleas or bed bugs :P
Anyway, yesterday's drive was a looong one. I headed out after stopping back at the hotel (you know my main contact that wasn't answering his phone? he finally called back! Haha!) I got out of Indiana and into Illinois before I even made my first pit stop. As I got closer to St. Louis, Missouri, I loved seeing the arch mark its entrance to the west. I got so excited to go into "The West" that I almost ran into the car in front of me. Apparently traffic was backed up like woah.
The entrance into "the West" isn't very exciting when you're sitting in bumper to bumper traffic. In case anyone's traveling into St. Louis, there's major construction - be prepared. In fact, there's major construction happening in Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, and Oklahoma. It's a good time :P
As I headed into the Ozarks, I stopped to take a break at the World's Largest Rocking Chair. Things like that make me smile.
Oklahoma has been a series of turnpikes, which is fast travel, but you gotta pay for it. I've coughed up $4 twice now and I think I'll have to do it again. Thank goodness I remembered to get some cash out just in case :P
Today, I'm headed as far as I can - with Flagstaff, AZ as my goal.
*****
Yesterday, as I was going up and down and around in the Ozarks, there was a moment of fear that struck me. The speed limit was 60 or 65, i can't remember. Whatever it was, I was going a little bit faster than that. I went around a curve and saw that there was quite a drop off the ledge. Not a big deal, it's the Ozarks, right? Well the kicker? There was NO GUARDRAIL! One mistake could have sent me over the edge and barreling down into the unknown. The only thing keeping me on the road was my responsible driving (maybe less responsible since I remember I was speeding just a bit) and faith that I was going to stay on the road.
How many times have a walked along the ledge of life, though? I'm not talking about taking a leap of faith of the edge into the great pool of promise that God has given us. I'm talking about the times when I push the limits. Those times that I go through life speeding just because I can. Those times I think "this is more fun than playing it safe" or "most people call it stupid or irresponsible, I call it adventurous" or "this will make me happy for the moment, I'll deal with consequences later"... etc.
I like to think I have guardrails set up, but in this last year, I realized that I'm not very good at setting them up. In fact, most of the time, they're beyond the ledge, like they're floating in the air with more than enough room for me to fall off the ledge and not even feel the guardrails.
So, my thoughts as I travel through two states I've never visited before (New Mexico and Arizona) are:
What are the specific guardrails that I need to set up in my life?
What ledges are NOT okay for me to walk along and why?
Why do I KEEP walking along or falling over those lines that should be defined so clearly?
I got into OKC around 10p last night. I'm just on the eastern edge of it - the first set of cheap motels I saw and I turned in. I had several to choose from, so I went with the lowest advertised price with WIFI. I love shady motels. There's really nothing more entertaining than laying in bed and wondering if you'll end up with lice or fleas or bed bugs :P
Anyway, yesterday's drive was a looong one. I headed out after stopping back at the hotel (you know my main contact that wasn't answering his phone? he finally called back! Haha!) I got out of Indiana and into Illinois before I even made my first pit stop. As I got closer to St. Louis, Missouri, I loved seeing the arch mark its entrance to the west. I got so excited to go into "The West" that I almost ran into the car in front of me. Apparently traffic was backed up like woah.
The entrance into "the West" isn't very exciting when you're sitting in bumper to bumper traffic. In case anyone's traveling into St. Louis, there's major construction - be prepared. In fact, there's major construction happening in Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, and Oklahoma. It's a good time :P
As I headed into the Ozarks, I stopped to take a break at the World's Largest Rocking Chair. Things like that make me smile.
Oklahoma has been a series of turnpikes, which is fast travel, but you gotta pay for it. I've coughed up $4 twice now and I think I'll have to do it again. Thank goodness I remembered to get some cash out just in case :P
Today, I'm headed as far as I can - with Flagstaff, AZ as my goal.
*****
Yesterday, as I was going up and down and around in the Ozarks, there was a moment of fear that struck me. The speed limit was 60 or 65, i can't remember. Whatever it was, I was going a little bit faster than that. I went around a curve and saw that there was quite a drop off the ledge. Not a big deal, it's the Ozarks, right? Well the kicker? There was NO GUARDRAIL! One mistake could have sent me over the edge and barreling down into the unknown. The only thing keeping me on the road was my responsible driving (maybe less responsible since I remember I was speeding just a bit) and faith that I was going to stay on the road.
How many times have a walked along the ledge of life, though? I'm not talking about taking a leap of faith of the edge into the great pool of promise that God has given us. I'm talking about the times when I push the limits. Those times that I go through life speeding just because I can. Those times I think "this is more fun than playing it safe" or "most people call it stupid or irresponsible, I call it adventurous" or "this will make me happy for the moment, I'll deal with consequences later"... etc.
I like to think I have guardrails set up, but in this last year, I realized that I'm not very good at setting them up. In fact, most of the time, they're beyond the ledge, like they're floating in the air with more than enough room for me to fall off the ledge and not even feel the guardrails.
So, my thoughts as I travel through two states I've never visited before (New Mexico and Arizona) are:
What are the specific guardrails that I need to set up in my life?
What ledges are NOT okay for me to walk along and why?
Why do I KEEP walking along or falling over those lines that should be defined so clearly?
Sunday, August 21, 2011
No Room in the Inn
Greetings from Denny's in Evansville, IN
at 1:15 last night, I rolled into this town. It wasn't exactly on my way, but going about 10 miles out of my way to go where I know somebody is worth it in my book. I made pretty good timing considering I didn't leave until after 7:30p from Zeeland, MI... AND I made a wrong turn!
Anyway, yesterday was grand. It was great to see the video of Jeff and Chelsea's wedding and to celebrate with them (they were married in Iowa, where Chelsea is from). Matt (yes, the one from Hungary) was there, too, and I never expected that one year after getting back from Budapest, we would be united for this purpose. So crazy!!! but God sure does have plans for each of us.
The travel from Zeeland, MI to Evansville, IN was purely purposeful. The goal was to just GET there and get Indiana out of the way. The roads were interesting and became less and less populated as the night went on, which made it interesting. I managed to avoid hitting a HUGE deer... and survived stopping for gas in the middle of nowhere (it was sketchy like woah!).
Then I arrived. My "people" in Evansville, IN are actually people from Detroit. A bunch of DIRECTV technicians are down here working. I have never met them, but as with many, many of the technicians I worked with, we developed good friendships over the phone. I had planned to meet up with at least one of them just chill for a minute. Unfortunately, I arrived and my contact person didn't answer the phone. I get in contact with another technician and met him outside and chatted a bit. Because everyone seemed to be asleep, I decided I would just see if there are any rooms available and make plans for breakfast in the morning instead. And... that's when I heard those words:
*****
"I'm sorry, there are no rooms available."
I felt a bit like Mary and Joseph. I'd traveled a long way (okay, I didn't walk or ride a donkey, but it was still tiring!) and when I arrived, I found myself without a safe place to stay for the night. I was faced with a decision - drive although tired from motel to motel searching for an empty room.... or crash in the car. Well, friends, yes, I slept in the car. I folded down my seats and sweated away some Zzzz's while listening to people come and go from the hotel.
What a perfect way to begin the trip!
A wanderer without a home - this has more and more become reality for me. I will probably never "own" a home - or at least never have a clear understanding of what "home" means.
So, what does "home" mean? I'm at a point in my life where I don't feel like I have a home. Geographically, I live in Grand Rapids; I work in Kentwood; I was raised in Saranac... but I have often made the comment that Ang and I just re-signed our lease, making this the longest I've lived in one place since 2006. That's 5 years of moving every year. That's 5 years of never having a sense of permanency. That's 5 years of wandering.
Emotionally, a home is a place where I feel unconditionally loved, accepted for who I am, a sense of belonging and purpose... and a place where I just fit in.
This Denny's is not my home. The waitstaff are great, but I have been frustrated by the comments from other patrons. I probably stink a bit (no showers in my car :P), my hair is a mess, and I came to breakfast with my laptop instead of my family. I don't fit in here...
... but then again, I don't feel like I've fit in anywhere for the last year. One job made me angry all the time... the other made me emotionally tired, even though I love it. I fell out of love with myself and made decisions that have hurt. I've put myself in situations that don't prove my self-worth. I'm not HOME.
So, my pondering for the day, as I finish this coffee, load up on gas and hit the road toward Oklahoma City...
"How do I accept the place where I am as home?
How do I create a HOME environment for myself?
And if where I am now isn't my home, where IS my home?"
at 1:15 last night, I rolled into this town. It wasn't exactly on my way, but going about 10 miles out of my way to go where I know somebody is worth it in my book. I made pretty good timing considering I didn't leave until after 7:30p from Zeeland, MI... AND I made a wrong turn!
Anyway, yesterday was grand. It was great to see the video of Jeff and Chelsea's wedding and to celebrate with them (they were married in Iowa, where Chelsea is from). Matt (yes, the one from Hungary) was there, too, and I never expected that one year after getting back from Budapest, we would be united for this purpose. So crazy!!! but God sure does have plans for each of us.
The travel from Zeeland, MI to Evansville, IN was purely purposeful. The goal was to just GET there and get Indiana out of the way. The roads were interesting and became less and less populated as the night went on, which made it interesting. I managed to avoid hitting a HUGE deer... and survived stopping for gas in the middle of nowhere (it was sketchy like woah!).
Then I arrived. My "people" in Evansville, IN are actually people from Detroit. A bunch of DIRECTV technicians are down here working. I have never met them, but as with many, many of the technicians I worked with, we developed good friendships over the phone. I had planned to meet up with at least one of them just chill for a minute. Unfortunately, I arrived and my contact person didn't answer the phone. I get in contact with another technician and met him outside and chatted a bit. Because everyone seemed to be asleep, I decided I would just see if there are any rooms available and make plans for breakfast in the morning instead. And... that's when I heard those words:
*****
"I'm sorry, there are no rooms available."
I felt a bit like Mary and Joseph. I'd traveled a long way (okay, I didn't walk or ride a donkey, but it was still tiring!) and when I arrived, I found myself without a safe place to stay for the night. I was faced with a decision - drive although tired from motel to motel searching for an empty room.... or crash in the car. Well, friends, yes, I slept in the car. I folded down my seats and sweated away some Zzzz's while listening to people come and go from the hotel.
What a perfect way to begin the trip!
A wanderer without a home - this has more and more become reality for me. I will probably never "own" a home - or at least never have a clear understanding of what "home" means.
So, what does "home" mean? I'm at a point in my life where I don't feel like I have a home. Geographically, I live in Grand Rapids; I work in Kentwood; I was raised in Saranac... but I have often made the comment that Ang and I just re-signed our lease, making this the longest I've lived in one place since 2006. That's 5 years of moving every year. That's 5 years of never having a sense of permanency. That's 5 years of wandering.
Emotionally, a home is a place where I feel unconditionally loved, accepted for who I am, a sense of belonging and purpose... and a place where I just fit in.
This Denny's is not my home. The waitstaff are great, but I have been frustrated by the comments from other patrons. I probably stink a bit (no showers in my car :P), my hair is a mess, and I came to breakfast with my laptop instead of my family. I don't fit in here...
... but then again, I don't feel like I've fit in anywhere for the last year. One job made me angry all the time... the other made me emotionally tired, even though I love it. I fell out of love with myself and made decisions that have hurt. I've put myself in situations that don't prove my self-worth. I'm not HOME.
So, my pondering for the day, as I finish this coffee, load up on gas and hit the road toward Oklahoma City...
"How do I accept the place where I am as home?
How do I create a HOME environment for myself?
And if where I am now isn't my home, where IS my home?"
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Packing
This is the longest trip I've packed for since Hungary. Thankfully I'm not leaving for a year, again, but there's still a lot of stuff to pack.
I have to think about personal hygiene and that brings up "where and when will i shower?"
I have to think about temperature and what I'll wear and that brings up "who will I see and where will I visit and what's appropriate?"
I have to think about entertainment and that brings up "how do I want to fill my mind as I journey?"
I have to think about money and that brings up "what do I limit myself on and where should i splurge?"
I have to think about food and snacks and beverages... and that brings up "how can i not gain 30lbs because i'll just be doing a whole lot of sitting and munching?"
I have to think about safety and making sure I have emergency stuff and that brings up "how can i make the most of this trip while doing my part to make sure that I am safe? I know God's got me in the palm of His hand, but I'd rather not be stupid :P"
I have to think about directions and maps and a GPS... and that brings up "how can i see everything while pacing myself?"
I'm so excited to finally be doing this. I remember when I first made the decision to go. I remember when the choice was between going to the Dominican Republic resort for Thanksgiving or going on this massive roadtrip. I remember when I first made my list and thought, I really want to see the Grand Canyon before I die... so why not now when I'm young? I remember making the decision to travel alone and how many disappointed people there were.
:)
I can't wait until this trip is a memory!
I have to think about personal hygiene and that brings up "where and when will i shower?"
I have to think about temperature and what I'll wear and that brings up "who will I see and where will I visit and what's appropriate?"
I have to think about entertainment and that brings up "how do I want to fill my mind as I journey?"
I have to think about money and that brings up "what do I limit myself on and where should i splurge?"
I have to think about food and snacks and beverages... and that brings up "how can i not gain 30lbs because i'll just be doing a whole lot of sitting and munching?"
I have to think about safety and making sure I have emergency stuff and that brings up "how can i make the most of this trip while doing my part to make sure that I am safe? I know God's got me in the palm of His hand, but I'd rather not be stupid :P"
I have to think about directions and maps and a GPS... and that brings up "how can i see everything while pacing myself?"
I'm so excited to finally be doing this. I remember when I first made the decision to go. I remember when the choice was between going to the Dominican Republic resort for Thanksgiving or going on this massive roadtrip. I remember when I first made my list and thought, I really want to see the Grand Canyon before I die... so why not now when I'm young? I remember making the decision to travel alone and how many disappointed people there were.
:)
I can't wait until this trip is a memory!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Massive Road Trip!!!
Because I will be "On a Journey", I will post my blogs from my roadtrip on here. I'm super excited about it and can't wait for the plans to actually happen :D
August 20 - First stop is Zeeland, MI for Jeff and Chelsea Lampen's Michigan Wedding Reception.
The next stop is Evansville, Indiana to meet up with a couple of techs from Detroit who traveled there to do some work.
August 21 - The next stop will be Oklahoma City, Oklahoma to have dinner with Ann Marie, a girl whom I've never met but have communicated with for the last few years via livejournal and facebook.
I will probably crash somewhere in OKC for the night and get a good night's sleep before continuing on.
August 22 - The next stop will be Flagstaff, Arizona, where I will hopefully stay with some couchsurfers. I just got turned down by some couchsurfers, so hopefully I can find someone else.
August 23 - Drive about 2 hours, stop for a lemonade, and go sit at the Grand Canyon. I don't have anything planned except to just take in the scenery, see what my options are as far as tours, and rest. I have accomplished the goal for the journey if I make it this far.
In the late evening, I will travel on toward Kingman, Arizona, where my aunt lives.
August 24 - I will hang out with my aunt and her roommate/partner for a few hours, then hop in the car and head toward Phoenix, AZ. After a 4 hour journey into the city, I will re-meet my uncle, aunt and cousin... and meet for the first time a couple of my cousins. I am nervous about this, but I am also excited! It's time I acted like an adult and made time in my life for my family, near and far.
August 25 - I'll be headed out rather early to get to Dallas, TX. Mike moved here about 6 months ago and I miss him very much. I can't wait for him to show me around his new life and just... be with him and his family :)
August 26 - After dinner, I'll be headed to Shreveport, LA. This is where I'll meet Chris, a Multiband technician that I became friends with a long time ago. We've never met in person, so this will be a bit nerve-wracking, but also fun :)
August 27 - Today will be spent hanging out with Chris. He took the day off work and I'll probably be sleeping! :P It should be a nice, relaxing day. We'll probably even go see a movie that night :) Nice and chill...
August 28 - I'm taking off very early in the morning toward Chicago, IL. I hope to stop along the way and go to a random church. I am very much looking forward to those random church visits. My final destination is Emily's apartment in Chicago :)
August 29 - Homeward bound. :) The goal is to have the rental car cleaned and back at Enterprise by 2p.
August 20 - First stop is Zeeland, MI for Jeff and Chelsea Lampen's Michigan Wedding Reception.
The next stop is Evansville, Indiana to meet up with a couple of techs from Detroit who traveled there to do some work.
August 21 - The next stop will be Oklahoma City, Oklahoma to have dinner with Ann Marie, a girl whom I've never met but have communicated with for the last few years via livejournal and facebook.
I will probably crash somewhere in OKC for the night and get a good night's sleep before continuing on.
August 22 - The next stop will be Flagstaff, Arizona, where I will hopefully stay with some couchsurfers. I just got turned down by some couchsurfers, so hopefully I can find someone else.
August 23 - Drive about 2 hours, stop for a lemonade, and go sit at the Grand Canyon. I don't have anything planned except to just take in the scenery, see what my options are as far as tours, and rest. I have accomplished the goal for the journey if I make it this far.
In the late evening, I will travel on toward Kingman, Arizona, where my aunt lives.
August 24 - I will hang out with my aunt and her roommate/partner for a few hours, then hop in the car and head toward Phoenix, AZ. After a 4 hour journey into the city, I will re-meet my uncle, aunt and cousin... and meet for the first time a couple of my cousins. I am nervous about this, but I am also excited! It's time I acted like an adult and made time in my life for my family, near and far.
August 25 - I'll be headed out rather early to get to Dallas, TX. Mike moved here about 6 months ago and I miss him very much. I can't wait for him to show me around his new life and just... be with him and his family :)
August 26 - After dinner, I'll be headed to Shreveport, LA. This is where I'll meet Chris, a Multiband technician that I became friends with a long time ago. We've never met in person, so this will be a bit nerve-wracking, but also fun :)
August 27 - Today will be spent hanging out with Chris. He took the day off work and I'll probably be sleeping! :P It should be a nice, relaxing day. We'll probably even go see a movie that night :) Nice and chill...
August 28 - I'm taking off very early in the morning toward Chicago, IL. I hope to stop along the way and go to a random church. I am very much looking forward to those random church visits. My final destination is Emily's apartment in Chicago :)
August 29 - Homeward bound. :) The goal is to have the rental car cleaned and back at Enterprise by 2p.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Leaving Again... but only for 10 days :)
I'm going on another solo journey. Please join me as I travel across the United States to see the Grand Canyon.
Along the way, there will be times of visiting with friends, meeting with new friends, reuniting with family after many many years and a chance to rediscover our nation and myself.
I'm really excited to leave on August 20th.
Please join me on THIS journey with the creation of a mixed CD - choose whatever music you'd like me to listen to and I will send you a postcard from the state in which you enlightened my journey :)
Along the way, there will be times of visiting with friends, meeting with new friends, reuniting with family after many many years and a chance to rediscover our nation and myself.
I'm really excited to leave on August 20th.
Please join me on THIS journey with the creation of a mixed CD - choose whatever music you'd like me to listen to and I will send you a postcard from the state in which you enlightened my journey :)
Monday, March 21, 2011
New Blog
I'm starting a new blog.
I'm not sure what it's going to look like.
This is on top of my CHAOS blog (CHAOStastic.blogspot.com)... and my 101 in 1001 days list blog (livejournal.com/cotton_swabs)
This blog is going to stick around but be rendered "finished until further notice."
God has called me to stay put in Michigan for a while (more specifically: the Grand Rapids area) for school, work and relationship improvement.
While I continue to grow in these places, i hope to post each week some thoughts invoked by my new Bible study, as well as thoughts as I work toward peace in my life and in the world around me.
misstrazy.blogspot.com
I'm not sure what it's going to look like.
This is on top of my CHAOS blog (CHAOStastic.blogspot.com)... and my 101 in 1001 days list blog (livejournal.com/cotton_swabs)
This blog is going to stick around but be rendered "finished until further notice."
God has called me to stay put in Michigan for a while (more specifically: the Grand Rapids area) for school, work and relationship improvement.
While I continue to grow in these places, i hope to post each week some thoughts invoked by my new Bible study, as well as thoughts as I work toward peace in my life and in the world around me.
misstrazy.blogspot.com
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