This is it. This is my last post in this blog (for at least a little while). If God sends me somewhere new, I will begin posting again. God is always sending me somewhere new, but I feel as though my adventures in Grand Rapids, MI can best be expressed in person since most of my readers have the opportunity to speak and connect with me here. One year ago today (September 1, 2009 at 2:55p local time), I landed in Budapest. Today (September 1, 2010 at 8:55a EST-ish), I begin working again at Home Acres Reformed Church... and attempt to resume the life I left although I'm not the same person.
My dearest friends and family, I THANK YOU. It seems so cliché to say that I couldn't have done it without you, but it's so completely true for me. A million "thank yous" could not express my sincerest gratitude. My true prayer is that God is blessing you in innumerable ways, for you have all blessed me. Thank you, again.
As a way of closing it out, i bring you a "De-briefing Survey." Enjoy!
What were the high points and the low points?
high points: Thanksgiving, New Years Eve, dancing at the Tanoda, Christmas at the Tanoda, Mohács, Auschwitz, couch-surfing, the city and its beauty, the Hungarian countryside, Bible study with some gypsy women in Uzd, hanging out with the other volunteers,
low points: the Tanoda closing, saying "goodbye"
Who most encouraged you on the trip?
from home: my mom gets major props, Home Acres Church, Shawn, Ang, Mike, Chris, Jay...
in Hungary: Dick and Carolyn, Pastor Aaron, Emese, Judit, Njeri, Teri, the other volunteers
Did you accomplish your goals?
I didn't go with any goals except to experience everything I could experience... and learn enough Hungarian to survive. In these ways, I think I did accomplish my goals.
What did God do?
God provided. God healed. God reigned. God guided. God held. God loved and lifted up. God showed Himself in unique and awesome ways.
What stories can you share?
I have 318 stories (that's how many days I lived in Hungary).
What pictures did you like best?
my absolute favorites are a mixture of the ones taken of Budapest from the Citadella... or the pictures of my friends/fellow volunteers and I on one of our many adventures.
Describe some of the relationships you made.
my roommates and I became (i think) like sisters - living together with four different cultures in an even different culture was a struggle at times, but we came to love each other in ways that only sisters can. I can't wait to see them again.
Emilie, Jeff, Kristy and Matt (and Sepp and Emily) became my closest friends.
Pastor Aaron became a mentor and friend.
Dick and Carolyn became like my "Hungarian" parents.
there were so many more relationships, all formed quickly and all very hard to leave.
What did you find most challenging?
My most challenging moments, as many of you could tell, came in the instability I experienced. Instability in social life, instability in work placements, instability in schedules, instability in maintaining contact with loved ones back home... stability has always been something I took for granted and finding peace during instability was definitely something that challenged me, but also forced me to grow a bit.
Were you well prepared? What else could you have done?
I tried to go in without a "map" of sorts. I didn't spend much time learning Hungarian before I left. I didn't spend much time researching my placement. I am thankful for both of those. I feel like all the Hungarian I learned before I went got stomped on during our language course... and my placement changed after only 2 months. I'm quite pleased with my lack of preparation for arrival, actually.
How are you doing physically?
Well, I miss walking everywhere. I miss 3 balanced meals a day and fresh fruits and veggies that were cheap. I miss loose jeans (i've gained back all the weight I lost during the year... grrr!) I smile a lot. I like that.
How are you doing emotionally?
It's been rough, not gonna lie. I'm not sure I understand how I feel so it's therefore hard to have others understand. There are days I'd rather just stay away from everyone to avoid questions and stress. There are other days when I need to be surrounded by people, because I am struggling at finding a place here again. Then I find myself in the middle of people, lost (in my "happy" place)... trying to figure out what is going on and where I go from here. My patience is short and I feel apathetic about much of my life at the moment.
How are you doing spiritually?
I feel like God and grew closer this last year. Trying to abide in Him and allowing Him to abide in me and truly shine. There are times when it was a test, but truly believe that my faith has grown to new levels... and I'm so excited to show this to others.
Did anything disappoint you about yourself?
Oh yeah. I'm pretty good at disappointing myself. I probably could have tried better to experience Hungarian culture/language/people. I probably could have tried harder with my placements to make them all work. I probably could have done more to make the youth group work. I probably could have enveloped myself in the "here and now" aspect of service. I probably could have done so much more...
What surprised you about the culture?
The strong dislike toward gypsies. I couldn't imagine it before I got there. I could NOT imagine that I would get hateful looks for just saying I work with them. I could not imagine people in 2010 with such prejudice.
What ministry skills did you sharpen?
I can make itty bitties smile and laugh... I can have a theological conversation with simplified English and simplified Hungarian... I can love people without words.
Did you find fulfillment in your ministry time?
I definitely felt like there were good days and bad days in this aspect. At some points, it's a source of disappointment for me and I wish I could go back and find fulfillment at those moments. At some points, I truly wish those had been the last moments of my life because each second of those moments felt God-ordained and God-designed and I felt as though I was truly a part of expanding the Kingdom.
What did you learn about ministry?
I learned that ministry, especially missions, is anything BUT a job description.
Did you experience any miracles in your ministry time?
Somehow I communicated, even though I didn't speak the language very well. To me, that was a miracle.
What comes next for you in life?
Well, I'm back in Michigan. I'm looking into options for going back to school. I would love for God to call me elsewhere, but if this was the only opportunity to go overseas, then I'm okay with that as well.
What do you hope to accomplish in the next year?
I want to get enrolled in school (so I'll have to make some decisions). I'd love to travel somewhere (probably Japan to visit Katharine and see her work there). I want to be able to actually play my guitar.
What is your plan to get there?
Gotta make the decision about school - gotta save money for the trip - gotta actually practice the guitar :)
What changes do you want to make to your life?
Health and simplicity are pretty big ones. They're also the hard ones to make. And... I don't want to live a mundane lifestyle.
What concerns do you have as you go back home?
Well, I am already back home and I've been home for 6 weeks. I'm still concerned about my general apathy toward things, but it's getting better.
Who can help you keep the flame alive back home?
My church family has rocked for that. I wish some of my friends would show more interest, but oh well. Most are pretty cool, but others seem like they'd rather not fan the flame.
What ministry will you continue to do in the community?
well, CHAOS... but I also feel like there are a TON of bridges to be built around our community. I'm rolling up my sleeves, let's get busy building!
Who will you reach out and minister to?
I feel like there's a huge cultural gap between our church and our community. I also feel like we could bridge the gaps between all the churches that use our church building. And... there's still so much work to be done with outreach. Sooo much need!
What can you do to go to the next level spiritually?
I'm sitting here thinking that this should be easy. This is just about me and Jesus going one step further. Question is: what is that next step? I don't know. Going to the next level spiritually will entail trusting Him and trusting IN Him completely... no doubts, no turning back, no regrets... one day at a time, one foot in front of the other... take each person and circumstance into loving consideration that God has ordained each moment, and from one moment to the next all we can do is trust and obey.
