Tonight, I tried to catch up with an old friend. We were good friends about a year ago and really helped with my transition time. As time passed on, we realized we had less and less in common and life took us down different paths.
As we caught up on what we've done in the past 8-10 months, I quickly realized that this was not going to end well.
Many negative comments came out on his side about my calling, my faith, my pursuits in life... and as I tried to control my tongue, I felt a sincere peace.
"I have heard the voice of God on NUMEROUS occasions telling me that this is where I will go and this is what I will do. It has been a dream for about 10 years now, you cannot deny the calling in that."
As soon as it came out of my mouth, the laughter started.
"Trazy, you are a FOOL!"
I hung up.
Okay, so maybe that wasn't the most mature response. I'm first to admit that under severe anger, I'm not the most mature person. According to Freud (look at me using my education!), when I feel threatened, I am likely to use regression as my defense mechanism. I must work on that.
***
One thing I know for sure - I have never felt more peace about my future. I don't know how I'm going to get there. I don't know when I'm going to get there. I don't know many details that people seem to think determines whether or not it's a legitimate calling.
I DO know:
* I have never stopped hurting for the border area during the last 10 years.
* I want to be on the front lines - I don't want to carry a gun or join the military, but I want to be on the front lines for social injustices
* I want to minister to people by meeting a need and showing them my Jesus at the same time.
* I want to have open arms, an open home and an open heart in English AND Spanish
* I want to wear combat boots when I go to court (okay, this is silly, but it's sooo true!)
* I have heard God speak ALOUD at least three times about this subject, at times when I've least expected them.
If this makes me a fool, then I cannot wait to be an exhausted fool that falls down in worship at the feet of God as He tells me, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
The journey is long and will be paved with trouble, but I know that Jesus overcame the world and now walks alongside me so that I too, through His Power, may overcome the trouble.
Uh... Can i get an AMEN?!
