Great Loss and Hopelessness

"We have volunteers that come to our program... and then they go home."

I had the great opportunity to have coffee with a guest lecturer at GVSU a week ago.  She spoke of her program in Tijuana, Mexico (yes, she only spoke Spanish!) that is working with recently deported to get them back on their feet.  As we spoke, she reaffirmed my calling in so many ways.

First, she asked what I knew about the border.  She acknowledged that I had obviously done my research and thought that I had a good vision of what was happening.

Second, I asked her what she thinks we can do.  She reaffirmed my calling here in two ways:
She stated that we cannot just look at it as a checklist of things to do.  We need to change the system.  The border is functioning properly according to the policies that the government has put in place.  If the machine is working well, obviously the policies are what is flawed.
The other way she confirmed my calling is by making sure that I understand that this isn't something that's going to change overnight.  This is something that will take a lifetime to change.  She wanted to make sure that I understood that it was a lifelong commitment before I jumped in.  I do understand.  I get it and I will commit to that.

I couldn't help but think about her statement about workers coming... and then going home... when I read this passage.  I've been in those volunteers' shoes.  I've gone... and I've worked... and I've gone home.  There's been no continuation in the work I did overseas.  For selfish reasons, I always thought that it was good work.

As I read about the guys walking down the road to Emmaus and how hurt they were that someone who had come to do good work and then left to go home, I couldn't help but feel for those organizations needed lifelong commitments.  The loss and hopelessness of losing volunteers or lack of commitment is one that cannot be ignored.

Thankfully, God didn't think the same way we do.  He sent Jesus to do good work in His Name.  He died, but He didn't stay dead.  He rose again and continues to live today and continues to work among us.  Now THAT'S love for a cause.



Luke 24:13-35 - Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem.  They were talking with each other about everything that had happened.  As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; but they were kept from recognizing him.
He asked them, “What are you discussing together as you walk along?”
They stood still, their faces downcast.  One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, “Are you the only one visiting Jerusalem who does not know the things that have happened there in these days?”
“What things?” he asked.
“About Jesus of Nazareth,” they replied. “He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people.  The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him; but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel. And what is more, it is the third day since all this took place.  In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning but didn’t find his body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said he was alive.  Then some of our companions went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but they did not see Jesus.”
He said to them, “How foolish you are, and how slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken!  Did not the Messiah have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?”  And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.
As they approached the village to which they were going, Jesus continued on as if he were going farther.  But they urged him strongly, “Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over.” So he went in to stay with them.
When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them.  Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight.  They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?”
They got up and returned at once to Jerusalem. There they found the Eleven and those with them, assembled together and saying, “It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon.”  Then the two told what had happened on the way, and how Jesus was recognized by them when he broke the bread.

Horoscope... and a step backward?

Uncertainty creeps in as you have to go back to the past, which includes unresolved worry, anxiety or neurosis. Any areas you've skimped on, left behind, ignored or denied, now stand before you. You're only as strong as your weakest link so this week lets you see where you're keeping yourself back, or tripping yourself up. When in doubt, use your imagination to sculpt a new possible destiny. Avoid nagging self doubt or over-complaining. In fact, perhaps you're pushing too far too fast, in which case you'll be afforded many opportunities to surrender in the days ahead. And that's always a challenge for you - when the tides changes, adapt also.

First, a disclaimer: Yes, I read my horoscope. Usually it's not about predicting the future, but it's about providing little bits of inspiration each week. If you're interested in checking it out for yourself, this is the site I read weekly: http://www.newworldastrology.com/Weekly-Scopes.html
I don't believe stars can predict my future, but I do enjoy a good boost of inspiration that is interesting to read and doesn't completely go against my beliefs.

I took a step backward yesterday in more ways than one.

First of all, I went somewhere to meet an old friend from high school. She and I parted ways upon graduation and haven't seen each other since. In the last 11 years, a lot has changed for both of us. However, as she starts over after getting married, getting divorced, getting a career and then changing careers, etc, she decided to meet up with some of her old friends. I was down with that. However, meeting her just felt like a blast from the past. Remember it's been since June of 2001 that I've even seen her. I'm not proud of that, but life took us in different directions.

The second backwards step actually came first, which made it hard to concentrate on the aforementioned meeting. I'd rather not get too much into details because I honestly am not sure how much I want the world to know. An option of closure came around yesterday. It was needed. It was welcomed in the end, after the initial shock, pain and anger played through my mind. It is okay to step backward, as long as there is a force behind you pushing you forward again. I look at it as God's reminders of what He's brought me through, as a promise to always be with me no matter what may come my way.



On a semi-related note, since this topic hasn't been mentioned in a while, Eric and I are still moving forward. It has been so exciting to be on this journey. It has also been amazingly humbling. I was never sure I'd deserve someone as good as him, but God has shown me otherwise. Last night he surprised me with a random gift basket that he put together himself. It wasn't an anniversary or a birthday or any other special occasion... but "just because." We're looking forward to the addition of a new "tradition" to the mix. We made a vow to take time out of our busy schedules to go back to the place of our first date, Richmond park, 3 times a month. We haven't been there in 4 months, so it will nice to go back.

Facing Rejection

I'll never forget the words of some of my friends and family each time my path changes. I'm sure they mean well, but often the words come laced with doubt and worry. The ones that still ring out loudest were "I'll believe it when I see it."

Most recently, a good friend called me crazy for having a calling that seems so dangerous. I'm used to being called crazy. I shouldn't be, but I am. Crazy doesn't phase me anymore and honestly, I've been known to use it myself.



Luke 4:16-30 - He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. He stood up to read, and the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written:

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him. He began by saying to them, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.”

All spoke well of him and were amazed at the gracious words that came from his lips. “Isn’t this Joseph’s son?” they asked.

Jesus said to them, “Surely you will quote this proverb to me: ‘Physician, heal yourself!’ And you will tell me, ‘Do here in your hometown what we have heard that you did in Capernaum.’”

“Truly I tell you,” he continued, “no prophet is accepted in his hometown. I assure you that there were many widows in Israel in Elijah’s time, when the sky was shut for three and a half years and there was a severe famine throughout the land. Yet Elijah was not sent to any of them, but to a widow in Zarephath in the region of Sidon. And there were many in Israel with leprosy in the time of Elisha the prophet, yet not one of them was cleansed—only Naaman the Syrian.”

All the people in the synagogue were furious when they heard this. They got up, drove him out of the town, and took him to the brow of the hill on which the town was built, in order to throw him off the cliff. But he walked right through the crowd and went on his way.



They drove him out of his hometown.  No, I've never experienced that kind of rejection, but I have been driven away from friendships.  I've felt laughed out of a place because they thought my dream, my goals, my calling sounded ridiculous.

Thankfully it hasn't happened too recently, but this passage still struck a chord when I read it.  They sent Him away and He probably felt a bit discouraged, but it didn't stop Him.

To those who don't believe me or believe in my calling, you will not stop me.

Exodus Experience: A Time of Transition, Journey and New Beginnings

It seems like crossroads happen a lot in my life. Every few days or weeks or months, something happens that leads me down a new path, or at least lights up the dark path on which I was already treading. I can't complain, I rather enjoy new experiences and new adventures... to some extent.

The book of Exodus has taken on some new meaning for me over the last few months. I hope this blog post doesn't come out as a 10 page article highlighting every moment to which I can relate in that long journey, but I have felt impressed to write about a few of them.



I feel like Moses. I was never meant to be in a royal family. No, my mom didn't hide me or wrap me up and send me floating down the Grand River... at least, not that I remember. However, I was adopted into a family that I was not born into. Christ chose to save me not by anything I had done (at least Moses was cute!) and God has called me as His daughter, as His own. I don't deserve it and nor did Moses, but GRACE continues to flow out upon me just like that... each. and. every. day.

I've done some stuff. I've run away. I haven't married a goat-herder, but I've definitely hung out with some stink and filth (and while, yes, I always say that I like my friends "stinky," I'm not referring to my real friends).

It wasn't long ago that I felt the burn, the calling of God upon my life. I remember each experience of the calling and my own doubts along the way --- "I don't WANT to work with middle school kids." "uh... I don't speak Hungarian. I don't even know where Hungary is." "School just isn't my thing... and you want me to do what?!" It seems like every time that God has clearly spoken to me, I counter Him with a statement of not being good enough. Those examples I just gave you are some of the less personal responses. There have been doubts regarding my abilities about everything from looks to personality to fitness levels and even age. Just like Moses in Exodus 4:10, I keep trying to convince God that I'm just not qualified enough for His calling.

Just when I begin to accept God's responses (Exodus 4:11-12), I begin to feel something else. Power. I heard a speaker recently that joked about Moses throwing the rod on the ground then picking up the snake and how if it had been him, he would have played with that for a half hour : rod-snake-rod-snake "cool! look what I can do!" rod-snake-rod-snake, etc. It goes to our heads as if now that we're trusting God with our lives, we're so cool and we let that power, that pride, that glory go to OUR heads instead of where it belongs. That clicked with me. Put down my pride because it's not ME that turns the rod into a snake and back again. It's not me that provides for my every need. It's not me that calls the sun to rise and breeze to blow. It's not me. I must work on my humility.

Moving on...

Then we get the big assignment. We do all the hard labor filled with wonder and/or worry about whether or not it's worth it... when all of a sudden God parts a sea and all we can do is stand or fall and be amazed. Again, I find myself waiting for that big rush of wonder. It will come and probably just like Moses, it will come when I least expect it but most hope for it.

These experiences come and sometimes aren't even recognized. We think it's coincidence or something we did for ourselves. I don't want to live like that. Opposed to the complaints and frustrations expressed by the Israelites, I want to recognize and be grateful for the things God provides and for the things He's brought me through.

I look forward to the new beginnings that come my way so often. I pray that I will continue to see God in and through them, even when it feels like I've been wandering aimlessly and forever. The promise of His plan gives me hope.